LABOR DEPARTMENT FARM BILL AND MALLARDS

I trust you are aware of The Labor Department's proposed regulations concerning children working on farms.

It is painfully obvious that today's farm families cannot make decisions for themselves. It takes a skilled community organizer from the farm rich area of metropolitan Chicago to do for them what they cannot do for themselves. How did our Republic survive the last 250 years without him?

You may not have been aware of a proposal buried deep within the regulation that would affect duck seasons for years to come. (Stretch Pelosi proclaimed "We have to implement the regulation to find out what is in the regulation. Away from the fog of the controversy amid the fact we make up this crap as we go along.") 

Deep (read hidden) within the Labor Department’s proposed Child Labor Laws protecting the proletariat  children from the parental bourgeoisie on family farms, was a proposal to protect young mallards from the grueling, oppressive rigors of the migration. 

The young mallards of the current year’s hatch will no longer be allowed to be in the air for more than eight hours in any twenty-four hour flight period. Night flight is strictly prohibited. Mandatory rest periods of a minimum of one hour must be allowed every two hours during the eight hour flight day. Adequate food and water must be made available during said rest period. 

In addition, the migration must be supervised by adult birds in a ratio of no less than 2 adults for every 8 juveniles. If the ratio falls below this level due to adults having a confrontation with Mr. Benelli, Mr. Beretta or Mr. Browning, juveniles must wait for replacement adults before continuing migration.

Hilda and Potus trust these regulations will be accepted in the spirit intended. The duck population cannot be trusted to govern themselves.

Addendum: Secretary Saladbar has instructed the US Fish and Wildlife to continue research on replacing steel shot with mini-nets. The move will facilitate a catch and release component heretofore missing from waterfowling. To date tests have been very encouraging. Dogs may be used to retrieve captured birds providing their teeth have been removed. Retrievers must be approved, inspected and registered before they are allowed in the field. The following are approved inspection sites: Humane Society, PETA or the following PETA representatives:  Alec Baldwin, Pam Anderson or Metta World Peace (watch out for the elbow!) When asked for a comment on the farm bill and the proposed 'mini-net' shotgun shells, Harry Cattails replied, as an aide wiped the spittle from his chin, "I am going to check on my fig and pomegranate trees on my way back from the Cowboy Poetry Contest in Elko."

God Bless the USA!